


a star living in the world full of mortals

by moonjidaisy



Series: Within The Teetering Hue of The Galaxy [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29257926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonjidaisy/pseuds/moonjidaisy
Summary: drabble collection in Han Jisung's pov :)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Within The Teetering Hue of The Galaxy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148495
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. when a star losing its shine

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!  
> How was your day? I hope you're having a nice one. Please smile a lot :)  
> So I decided to make this series and post my drabbles here. You may have came across these drabbles on twitter posted by @moonjidaisy, yeah it's me and I wanted to share them here too. Just in case I lost my twitter account one day :)  
> As stated in the summary, these are my works in Jisung's pov (which is actually one of my favorite pov beside Seungmin), with different pairings.  
> The updates will be unpredictable, as always. I will update this whenever I wrote another drabbles in the meantime of life :)  
> I hope you'll enjoy reading these!!  
> Have a nice day, a nice week, and hopefully a nice life in general!!  
> Always remember that you're valid and loved!! ♥️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon shined brightly that night.  
> Too bright that it was leaving scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minsung  
> angst ; mention of blood (nothing gore, just a light description) ; depression and implies of death

**_Hannie!_ **

A painful cold air knocked out from his chest, his gaze softened automatically as he heard a familiar—too familiar, to be exact—voice from the tape in front of him. The voice he missed so badly, which the owner was the human embodiment of the prettiest galaxy he could ever witnessed. He moved his skinny finger from the pause button, making its way to a button with a triangle shaped icon carved over it. Brushing his finger there, so softly as if it could shattered from a blow of the winter wind. He inhaled some air, his eyelid closed while doing so. With the flutter of his eyelashes—as he opened his eyes again—, he pressed the button and heard a click sound. 

An endearing giggle was heard from it. Throwing Jisung back to an ocean of memories in an instant, the strong waves pounding over his tall corals, trying to get in and shattered his heart again.

 _Click_.

He let out a mournful sigh. 

"Am I ready for this?" 

But he knew, deep inside that he couldn't run away more. He has to face it, even if his heart shattered again, even if he will be running out of tears after doing it. 

He _has_ to. 

_**Are you doing well, Hannie?** _

_"How could I?"_

_**Ah yeah, first of all I will say sorry.** _

_**You're hurting so much, don't you? I knew it.** _

_**I'm sorry I won't be able to be there for you anymore.** _

_**I really am sorry.** _

_**I'm sorry that I can't stay with you as I promised.** _

_**I'm sorry that I could never be able to wrap my hands around you whenever you got scared over a horror movie anymore.** _

_"I hate you, hyung._

_I hate you so much."_

_**I love you, hannie.** _

_**I really do.** _

_**But having only love will never be enough.** _

_**Trust me, this is the best option.** _

_**For both of us.** _

A sob choked over Jisung's burning throat. His trembling lips red and swollen, with teeth marks all over the edge of his bottom lips. His shoulders shuddered, his nails digged deeply, leaving red crescent moon scars on his pale-white palm. His lips parted, as a sentence slipped out of it, his shaky breath followed.

_"Why you never told me…"_

_**I don't want to burden you more.** _

_**Your smile is the most beautiful heart shape I've ever witnessed. You're shining, Han-ah. So brightly.** _

_**Believe me, you are no doubt my favorite star in this hectic constellation.** _

_**You're a north star in this galaxy, enlighten the obscurity and guide the other stars around you.** _

_**But I? I'm just a dead star.** _

_**My lights are gone, I don't even know if I could still feel the pain of burning—the pain of living—anymore.** _

_**It's all...** _

There was a long pause, red liquid dropped from his bottom lips, running down to Jisung's chin—as the salty water followed from his eyes, dissolved quickly and turned its color to red when they encountered—and the other wave of blood running from both of his palms. 

_**Numb.** _

**_A dead star is so hopeless._ **

**_It will only turn into a blackhole, obscuring your light._ **

**_I don't want to ruin you more, Han-ah._ **

**_I can't even protect your beautiful smile._ **

**_I don't want to take it away from you._ **

**_I love you._ **

**_It will hurt a little, but from here you'll start to find your happiness._ **

**_I won't be blocking your way anymore._ **

**_Take care, Hannie._ **

**_My little star, keep shining brightly, okay?_ **

**_Don't lose your light like I do._ **

The silver moon shined so brightly that night.

Jisung's gaze drifted up to the sky, his eyes sparked from the reflection of the moon shines on his tears, trying to find—if it's possible—any indications that Minho is smiling on one of the stars up there, that he might still can see his endearing smile once more, before he really disappeared or turned himself from a dead star to a blackhole.

But there was none. 

Jisung cried harder, he couldn't bottle up the heaviness inside his chest anymore. His shaky hand pressing carelessly on the tape player, embracing the tape tightly into his chest. He pressed it so hard, desperately trying to find any hints of Minho's warmth on the tape, bringing the tape extremely close to his eyes—trying to find any glimpse of Minho's fingertips he might left while recording the tape—, trying to find basically anything that resembles the older. 

But as always, there was none. 

* * *

_"Can you stay?"_

_"Say the magic word."_

_"Please?"_

_The other smiled briefly as he leaned on the delicate touch of Minho's finger ruffling his blue hair._

_"I will stay," he said, not taking away his endearing gaze from Jisung._

_"Promise?"_

_A fond smile appeared on his features, two crescent moons shined brightly replacing his eyes, with wrinkles embroidering around._

_"Promised."_

_"I don't want to lose you, hyung."_

_He said, a pair of doe eyes full of tears as his hand squished Minho's sweater tightly._

_"Neither do I, my little star."_

* * *

Another gush of tears escaped from his almond eyes as his mind started to recall their memories, countless sobs were thrown out from his lips, while it screamed the other's name to the chilly night—with the words "i love you" escaping pathetically in between his sobs—, hoping that Minho would appear in front of him and tell him that it was a joke. 

He should've known.

He should've known what Minho was going through.

He should've stayed beside him.

He should've been the one who comforted him.

He should've told him how much he loves him.

He should've had the eternity to love him.

But it was _too_ late.

_The moon shined brightly that night._

_Too bright that it was leaving scars_.


	2. if only you could see yourself from my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jisung will always be there to tell Hyunjin that he's precious and deserves all the love that exists in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hyunsung canon compliant (?)   
> hurt/comfort,   
> don't we all want to cuddle with him and comfort him :(

“—jin?”

Jisung's voice snapped Hyunjin back to the present. 

“ye- yeah?” he replied, meeting Jisung's pair of eyes, beaming into him with a glint of worries.

“It's over, we can get back home now,” the other said, receiving a nod and faint grin on Hyunjin's features.

Jisung let out a sigh. It has been almost 3 hours since they started their practice, and Jisung noticed Hyunjin didn't talk as much as he usually did. The dramatic boy who could run around their practice room while screaming was concerningly quiet that day. He was just sitting still, his eyes lost, and his long fingers fidgeting on his shoelaces.

Although Hyunjin was still answering to Jisung's question and the other members as well, he could tell from the way Hyunjin's eyes hovering that he kept zoning out of conversation. 

Jisung, however, held himself from asking too far and extended his arm for Hyunjin to get up from the floor. He patted Hyunjin's back and head softly, and he watched Hyunjin tying his long hair with a rubber band from his wrist, forming a tiny ponytail behind his head. 

Jisung's face splitted into a smile, half of him was admiring how pretty Hyunjin looked and the other half was still concerned about the other's silence. He waved his hand when Hyunjin walked ahead to the door to get back to their dorm, with a forced smile on his face. 

He thought maybe when he finished his work with Chan and Changbin, he could get back to the dorm and ask Hyunjin whether he's feeling okay enough to talk or not. So he spent his night battling with melodies, beats, and lyrics in the studio, while his mind can't stop playing back a figure of Hyunjin's forced smile while closing the door earlier. He really needs to ask Hyunjin after this. 

And when he got back to the dorm around 5 AM—he wasn't really sure, but he could see the sun's crimson rays splattering the dark sky on their way—he found Hyunjin laying on Jeongin's bed. 

Jisung would've thought the older was asleep, wrapped tight and warmly inside his blanket, if he didn't walk forward and ended up noticing that the bundle of blanket was actually shaking. 

It wasn't really obvious, especially when the room was depressingly dark with almost no lights on except one on the drawer beside the bed. But Jisung was sure that it was moving, and when he heard a soft whimper and faint sobs, he was positive that the older wasn't sleeping. 

“Hyunjin?” he asked, trying to keep his tone as soft as possible. No answer.

He extended his right hand, caressing the shaking bundle of blanket really softly, before he grabbed one of the edges of the blue-cozy fabric and pulled it away, revealing Hyunjin's red-flushing face.

His eyes staring right into Jisung. The tears that kept welling up and rolling down his cheeks pricked right into Jisung's heart, scratching scars and he could feel it starting to hurt just from seeing Hyunjin's state. His black-long-hair was sticking on his cheeks because of the tears, his eyes red and swollen, with quiet sobs and whimpers escaping his trembling lips.

Before Jisung could say anything, Hyunjin had already pulled him down to the bed, curling himself on Jisung's chest and tugging his hands on Jisung's black tee. 

“Please, ” he said, with a broken voice Jisung has never heard from him—not even when he was sobbing and crying over a kdrama—his fist clutching even tighter on the black fabric. 

Jisung reached out his hand and placed his palm into Hyunjin's back as an attempt to soothe the older. Patting it softly, with his mouth hummin a random lullaby that crossed his mind. 

“Yes, Jinnie? What can I do for you?” he finally asked, when he felt Hyunjin's breath against his chest slowly evened. 

A painful sob escaped his lips, “Please,” he swallowed harshly, trying to stop any cries to break, “Make it stop,” and another sob tore out of his throat, cracking another gate of tears open as he buried his head more deeply into the younger's chest. 

The younger boy held Hyunjin close, stroking his sweaty hair and shushing him, trying his hardest to calm him as softly and soothingly as he could, as not to scare him more.

“It's okay, jinnie.. it's okay…”

“Don't be scared, okay? I'm here with you”

“I will never leave you..”

“Why,” Hyunjin said, his voice cracked at the end.

“I- I- don't- deserve this-” he continued, sobs and hiccups filling in between words.

“you should've leave me- I'm bad and-”

And that's all it takes for Jisung to move his palm from Hyunjin's head into his lips, cutting off his stuttering words. He pushed the older softly, so now they were looking into each other's eyes. Staring into Hyunjin's glossy eyes that once filled with starlights, his eyes that could curl into a bright crescent moon as he smiled.

“Who said that,” he asked, lips pouting. “Hmm? Who said you don't deserve to be loved and cared for?” There was no answer, only Hyunjin's weak whimpers as his tears started to flow again. “and who said,” Jisung continued, tears welling up on his eyes also. “you're a bad person?” 

“Hyunjin,oh God, Hyunjin,” he said sadly. “You're a precious soul, you're never be a bad person, Hyunjin.”

“You have a big heart, you're kind, remember when we fought a lot on our trainee days? You always tried to put up with me yet I keep hurting you and start another fight with you. You're kind, Hyunjin. You're never be a bad person,” he said, tears running down his cheeks.

Hyunjin just kept his mouth shut, he wiggled forward, trying to get back into Jisung's chest, strangely giving him comfort from his mind. He felt safe around those tiny arms. So he leaned forward, pressing his ears into Jisung's chest, granting a gentle touch of Jisung's fingers wiping his cheeks, moving upwards and running through his hair.

_“sugohaesseo oneuldo”_

Jisung suddenly sang, almost humming, the notes rolling off his tongue smoothly as he whispered the lyrics into Hyunjin's ear.

 _“amudo neoeui seulpeume gwansim eobdaedo,”_ he continues.

_“nan, neul eungweonhae, sugohaesseo oneuldo”_

Hyunjin was still a whimpering mess, all tears and sobs and limp limbs. He weakly grabbed onto Jisung, his fingers grasping onto his clothes and trying to ground himself. He let himself be coddled as he cries, his tears hot as they flow from his eyes and drip into Jisung’s shirt. He breathed in the other’s scent and slowly, his mind began to clear. There were still a few tears that drip sluggishly, but he’s calmer and more lax.

“You're with me?” Jisung asked softly.

Too tired to answer, Hyunjin just nodded from within his confines of Jisung’s arms.

“Okay, good.” The younger shifted until they’re both lying on the bed facing each other. Jisung has Hyunjin's face in his hands as he wiped his tears. 

“I need you to listen to me very closely,” he said, prompting Hyunjin to look at him. “I want you to know that you’re an amazing friend and a very talented dancer and musician. You’re so important to our team and to our fans, okay?” 

Hyunjin hesitantly nodded, though he’s not accustomed to the kind words. “You are one of the people who deserves love the most. You deserve everything good in the world because I know how nice you are. You’re so warm. You’re sweet and you think of others and that’s really admirable. I want you to know that I love you and so do many other people.”

“Okay?” 

Receiving a slight nod from the older, he pulled him gently onto his chest again. Humming the same song of how he always did great everyday, letting Hyunjin to find comfort on each note. Hyunjin's tired eyes slowly fluttered close, his breath evened and a soft snores left his lips. 

Jisung's face splitted into a smile, and he ran his fingers through the older's hair once more.

 _"If only you can see yourself from my eyes, you will see how precious and worthy you are,”_ he whispered, before falling asleep with Hyunjin still clinging on his chest.


	3. once i break open, i will not stop pouring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung thought supressing his emotions will solve the problem. until he realized it will only make everything worse.
> 
> moral of story:  
> never bottle up your emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minsung  
> hurt/comfort  
> tw for anxiety attack and sensory overload  
> p.s:  
> I'm sorry for keep posting sad stories :D one day I'll be back with a sweet one  
> I swear I tried but these days I just can't write fluff idk why  
> have a great week <3

“Hannie?” Minho asked, his eyes finding the younger staring blankly into his notebook, a pencil spun in between his fingers. 

His voice seemed startling the younger a bit, making him drop his pencil with teeth-marks around it to the floor—followed by a tiny thunk. Jisung, who lost inside his rapid thoughts, slipped out a groan and crouched down to pick up the pencil, put it back on the desk and slammed himself into the black comfy couch. 

Minho widened the door as he walked in, his hand pushing the door back close as he got in and the smell of rug mixed with choco—Jisung definitely just ate some choco pie while working—pervading inside his nose. He looked around, and yes. He found a pile of choco-pie’s foil wrappers beside the scattering paper mess on the studio desk. 

“How are you doing, huh?” he asked, beaming softly into the younger. Jisung was sitting—almost sinking inside—the couch, knees on his chest with his head buried in between. Minho wasn’t blind, surely he sensed the messy fog inside the younger’s mind, but he won’t force him to tell if he doesn’t want to. Minho heard a sigh, followed by another silence. The younger seemed reluctant to break it with his voice, even when he felt the left side of the couch sinking over Minho sitting over it.

“Hey,” Minho said, gathering all the patience he still had left after all the practices he went through for the whole day. “Do you need, some, uh.. hug?” he finally offered, extending his arm towards the younger. 

A soft chuckle slipped out of Jisung’s lips. A sniff followed afterwards. He brought his head up and beamed into Minho, trying to find any glimpse of compulsion behind his grin. He couldn’t find any, the eyes who were looking at him were full of concern and slight fear. And his fond smile, it was comforting to simply stare at. Jisung could feel the warmth running behind his numb skin just by looking at his smile. 

“But you don’t like hugs, hyung,” he managed to said, lips starting to tremble. 

The older might already held millions of questions on the back of his head now, about why Jisung kept avoiding him and running away whenever he was around, why Jisung kept spending too many hours at the studio even when Chan desperately trying to drag him back home, why Jisung never working out at the gym with any of the members anymore and kept doing everything by himself, why he pulled himself away from everyone, and so many other whys. 

And the answer might just be a simple word. Scared. 

Jisung was scared of what would happen when he finally got the affection he desperately needed from his beloved members. Scared that he cannot hold himself anymore, scared that he will not be able to suppress his emotions any longer. Scared of being a burden, adding another problem to their group’s already piling stack, which one of them was because of him as well. Scared of being an ungrateful baby that keeps whining and crying whenever the world crashes on him. 

He was scared of himself. 

He didn’t want to break yet, hell he won’t. So he just stood up from the couch, grabbing his bag clumsily, and ran outside the studio. He couldn’t hear if his hyung was following him or not, he couldn’t hear  _ anything. _ He just needed to run, run, and escape. From whatever is chasing for him. He wanted to hide, in hopes the world would stop creeping on him if he hid.

A tight grip on his wrist saved him from planting face first on the ground, when he accidentally tripped over his own feet while running down the stairs. He waddled, back crashing to the wall and sliding down to the floor. He felt like floating, and the only thing that was keeping him on the ground was the tight grip on his wrist. 

The grip was pulling him somewhere. Jisung would normally refuse and keep running, but this time he couldn’t. His eyes blurred with tears that threatened to fall but he barely held it in, and he didn’t have that much energy left when he finally crashed into the familiar wooden floor. Clasping both his hands on his ears, he tried his best to suppress his sobs and whimpers. No position could relieve the way his stomach knotted up as thoughts filled his head and brought tears to his eyes.

If thoughts could be heard out loud, then his were yelling, screaming, shouting, starting a fire in him that the tears falling from his eyes could not put out. Then came the high-pitched ringing. He was drowning in the air again, unable to breathe properly.

He widened his eyes when the outside world crashed against his eardrums, every sound amplified tenfold. Footsteps, voices, people were yelling at each other, or was it a normal conversation? The wall clock, the click of the doorknob - the doorknob? Someone was locking the room. Is he trapped inside now? 

His clothes suddenly felt too tight against his skin, discomfort shooting through the roof. It itches everywhere, making him feel worse, sicker, his skin crawling. But he couldn't move, how could he? He could barely breathe as is.

“Hannie,” came a soft voice. He knew, he knew who that was but he couldn’t recall their name, he can barely hear their voice. It was too loud, too loud-

“Hannie, this is me, can I touch you?” they repeated, slightly louder than before.

Jisung winced at the volume and curled into himself further, clasping his hands over his ears. “Too loud,” he choked out, hoping he was loud enough to be heard. He couldn't hear himself anymore, his voice blending into the mess of white noise.

“Hannie,” they said again, Jisung felt a pair of hands on his own, covering his ears.

“Hannie listen-” the voice cutted off with a gasp as Jisung weakly fisted his shirt, pulling him closer until his ear was pressed on the other's chest. 

“Min-” he choked out, the ‘hyung’ went lost between his breath attempts, wetting the older’s shirt with his tears. “Can’t- weathe- hurts-” he choked out more rambling words; sobs, whimpers and hiccups falling out of his burning airway. 

“Shh.. Hannie, I’m here. You’re safe with me...” 

Jisung felt faint, he wasn’t sure what Minho was saying but he knew that his voice was very soothing and it made the pain lessen slightly. He heard a sound that seemed to sing to him, but it wasn’t a voice. Minho’s heartbeat echoed through Jisung’s ear like a drum and it started to have an effect on his own heart too, slowing it down every so slightly and letting him close his eyes and start to control his breathing. It took many minutes to gain back a somewhat decent sense of control over himself, and even then he didn’t feel like he was present in that moment. His head was in a nightmarish fairy land, not in the real world. But he knew Minho was there and he knew that the heart beating next to his ear was one that he had a part of his own heart dedicated to.

“There you go, you did great,” Minho said, his hand continuously rubbing the smaller’s back softly. 

Jisung stayed put for a few seconds, his brain still figuring out that Minho had spoken, and then gathered all his strength to lift his head, gazing up with bloodshot, tired eyes to look at the beautiful boy who was holding him close.

Minho had teary eyes just looking at the shaking, damp eyed Jisung that shook in his arms, keeping his head up for only a few more seconds before letting it drop back down, too exhausted to keep it up any longer.

“Don’t ever,” Minho started, trying to keep his boiling anger and disappointment of himself who couldn’t make Jisung comfortable enough to let his emotions out, at least just in front of him. “Don’t ever bottle up your emotions again.” He could feel his voice crack at the end, but he kept going, “Tell me, Hannie. Pour that on me.” 

Jisung nodded. He knew Minho would do anything to help him, but he was still worried that he would eventually become a burden. After all, he knew how busy and stressed out their group was especially these days with lots of bad news. He was stressed, and so were the others. The least thing they wanted to do was to put up with him, right? Putting up with a vulnerable and scaredy baby like him. 

So he tried. He tried his best to keep everything inside himself but apparently, he couldn’t.

Jisung gave up and clung to the older, feeling himself slipping into sleep despite his still ongoing panic. He couldn’t stop himself from being pulled into the arms of not only Minho, but the sleep that he so desperately needed. The heartbeat against his ear seemed to get quieter, and he wasn’t sure if it was just him, or if he was really falling asleep.

Minho ran his hands through Jisung’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and letting a tear slip down his cheek as he held the younger boy in his arms. His eyes caught a notebook on the floor, probably falling from Jisung’s bag when he crashed into the floor earlier. He extended his arm to reach the book, finding a paper full of unidentified shaped scribbles and so many cross-overs on top of every word. The only sentence he could catch with his sharp eyes was nine words written with too much pressure leaving traces on the next 5 pages and almost tore the paper off. 

_ Once I break open, I will not stop pouring. _


End file.
